Dividing My Time

The “B” Words: The Expat Lexicon Continues!

 

Back by popular demand, the Expat Lexicon continues with ten more essential words you need to know when setting your course for Russia:

Breeze:  (сквозняк)

Fatal in this part of the world, which is the reason that all the windows are painted shut.  Air moving freely from one part of an enclosed space to another is simply not tolerated.  Which explains the dirty looks you get when you open the air vents on the TU-154 that has been sitting on the tarmac for 45 minutes.  Not to be confused with the other dirty looks you got when you checked in.   I enjoyed last summer’s heat wave immensely if only for the refreshing opportunity to say, “I told you so!” to all the Russians who complained to me that they would sell their salo for a fan.   

Babushka:

not to be confused with “head scarf,” babushka is a generic term for grandmother, but its dimunative “babuliya” can be used in a semi-condescending way to refer to a female person of age, who, more often than not is charging way too much for cucumbers or wants your seat on the metro.  Babushkas are omnipotent and omniscient, as was (needlessly) brought home to me at a recent social event when I was trapped between two of them.  They held forth all afternoon across me on the minor points of Orthodox saints in a one-upmanship that would have made veterans of the Curia weep.

Birthday (день рождения):  

absolutely sacrosanct in Russia, necessitating a lengthy phone call or personal visit to the person in question, a flashy gift, an enormous stiff bouquet of flowers, and a lengthy, unwieldy, largely insincere toast.  Though occasionally, you can get a really nice present.  Because Russia is a hierarchical society (what…you thought the Communism thing made a dent?) the more important the person, the more flashy the gift, the more exotic the blooms, and you might just have to get Deep Purple to pen the tribute.  Interestingly, Thank You notes are never considered necessary.

Business Trip (командировка):

not to be confused with the ubiquitous “Business Lanch,” the Business Trip is an important rite of passage for any budding bureaucrat (see below).   In a stubborn refusal to ignore recent innovations such as the plastic credit/debit card, Russian companies issue you Business Trip Expenses (Командировочные расходы) after a cumbersome execution of a document known as An Advance Accounting Report, in which all of your “kommanderovichniye” are calculated to the last kopek and bear no relation to Real World Expenses.  You know you have advanced from the mailroom when you stop picking up these slim envelopes from Olga in the Accounting Department.  Anything for a quiet life.

Billionaire (миллиардер):  

An extremely well-compensated senior manager of Russian state assets.   A profession closed to almost all readers of “Dividing My Time.”  

Blat (блат…and don’t get sloppy with the vowels in this word!):  

The venerable Oxford English/Russian dictionary defines this as 1.) crime, 2.( pull, protection, influence.  Often used in the dative case with the preposition “Po” as in “Po blatu” or “Through connections.  Blat is the real hard currency of Russia.

Braindrain:  

A thing that happens to a country when it chooses to hold large sporting events instead of providing real job opportunities and a social safety net to its diminishing population. They go get dental hygenist jobs in the UAE.  Many Russia watchers consider this phenomenon to be at work today in Russia as a “Silent Third Wave” slips out of the country. 

Bureaucrat (чиновник):  

A popular form of employment in the Russian Federation. Requirements:  a faux leatherette folder, a cheesy A5 Diary from a large state organization, a grey suit, 2 grey shirts, a cheesy Turkish tie.  Annoying manner of speech which over-utilizes the passive voice and third person to refer to oneself.  Patience.   Applications available until March 2012 by Twitter @MedvedevRussia.  For more information, see “The Overcoat” by N. Gogol.   

Balcony (балкон):

1.) n. a highly accurate socio-economic barometer in The Former Soviet Union, 2.) A storage unit, 3.) a place to smoke even though the people you work for ask you not to, 4.) something to aggressively glass in.

Banya (баня):

A wood-lined room heated to unnatural temperatures in which naked men (and, if the Lady Lawyer with the Dirty Book is to be believed, sometimes women) wear silly felt hats and beat one another with dried branches for brief periods between lengthy drinking bouts. Considered by many to be Russia’s national sport.  Features in the Russian equivalent of “Go to #$%^” which is “Idi v banu!” or “Go to the Sauna!” 

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This post is part of the new Expat Lexicon.

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So Readers,

Any other thoughts on “B” words, mindful, as ever, that Dividing My Time is a family-friendly blog.  Hit the comment button below and see what you can come up with!

 

The "F" Words: More from the Expat Lexicon

 

That’s the thing about blogging, isn’t it?  You get on the roll with something….

Here are some “F” words for the expat’s guide to Russia:

Fools:  

Nikolai Gogol said it best:  “The problem with Russia is fools and roads,” This sounds a lot better in Russian “Duraki ee Dorogee.”  (Дураки и дороги).  Playing the fool works well in Russia, because you can operate under the radar screen.  Good examples of this include arch-conservative/nutcase head of the LDPR Vladimir Zhirinovsky, who just keeps on ticking, no matter how many insulting things he says about Russia’s near neighbors, and Grigory Rasputin, the Holy Fool, though of course with him, things ended rather badly.

Fandorin:  

Russia often tries to come up with its own version of something that other countries already have, which by rights, have no place in Russia.  For example:  Medvedev is building a Silicon Valley, the Scary Crowd who run Moscow are attempting to build a Financial Center.  Fandorin is Russia’s attempt to have a Top of the Line Fictitious Detective like Hercule Poirot.  He’s the detective hero of best-selling novelist Boris Akunin’s series.  Fandorin:  I’ve known Poirot a long time, and you are no Poirot.

Flowers:

Do not underestimate the importance of flowers in Russia.  Flowers are always always always a good idea.  The larger the better.  Half of the GDP of the Netherlands comes from International Women’s Day in Russia.   They come swathed in ugly colored plastic wrap, strangled by chicken wire.  Hell to de-construct.  The problem is that you get deluged with them on your birthday or International Women’s Day/23rd of February and then you don’t see them for the rest of the year.   

Football:

One of Russia’s national pastimes.  Particularly since they (somehow, for reasons which still baffle the rest of the civilized world) managed to swing hosting the world cup in 2018 in three or four cities, which no one had ever, heard of (admit it – you could sooner find Fanghorn Forest or King’s Landing on a map than you could Saransk.)

Frustrating:

Not a word that is possible to translate into Russian, though anyone who wants to give it a go is welcome to hit the comment button below and weigh in.  I always find this interesting; since frustrating is exactly what Russia is most of the time.  For example, when you finally get your act together to go and register your visa, and you battle through the snow or the pukh or whatever and get to the post office and discover that the warped individuals who run the Federal Migration Service have changed the rules again.  Or, when you are trying to sleep off the previous night’s excesses and your landlady arrives.  At 8 am.  That’s frustrating.

Female:

Opposite of male, and therefore incapable of a.) Playing football, b.) Making more money than the male, c.) Taking out the garbage, and d.) Running the country.  Pity.

Face Control:

What mandatory military service qualifies every male Russian to do.

Foreign:

A synonym for “strange” or “no longer welcome at this particular time in our nation’s history,” or just plain “wrong.”  Is the etymological root of the word “German” which doesn’t come as a surprise given recent history?   If you are reading this blog, chances are, you are a foreigner, despite the fact, as one visitor to Russia once told me, “I’m not foreign…I’m American.”  Think again.

Fruit:

Still considered a luxury although it is available year round.    Source of “vitaminiy” together with intense sunlight.  Which is good, since I have yet to be able to find where they sell the actual supplements.  

Forest Fires:

The highlight of last summer.   Mixed with the peat bogs fumes, they gave us an exact sense of what fire and brimstone will be like when we get to hell.   Tough cookie Medvedev told the Cabinet Ministers that if things this summer were as bad as last summer, he’d send them out to fight the fires.  Problem is, he tweeted it.  And, as every devotee of Vladimir Putin knows, Real Men Don’t Tweet.

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Hey There Readers!

Can you think of some “F” words to describe Russia or help shed light on Life In Russia?  Mindful, that is, that this is sort of a Family Type blog, so you have to refrain from outright obscenities.  That should keep you busy!

Coming up next…. the “B” words!  Stay tuned!